Funny text messages

Funny text messages -- free funny text message -- funny joke -- funny text messaging jokes

* Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

* The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

* Don't take life too seriously; no-one gets out alive.

* It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.

* The longest sentence known to man: "I do."
# A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

# I had amnesia once - maybe twice.


All I ask is a chance to prove money can't make me happy.
# The universe is a figment of its own imagination.


I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

Is there another word for synonym?
# Why don't men often show their true feelings?
- Because they don't have any.

# Q: What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A: About 45 pounds!!

# Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?
A: We don't know. Never happens.

# Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffering

# ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.

# Q: Why do mountain climbers rope themselves together?
A: To prevent the sensible ones from going home.

# Q: What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
A: Outlaws are wanted.


Q: What do you get when you put three ducks in a box?
A: A box of quackers.

Time is a marvellous healer but is a complete failure as a beautician.
# When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's £1.50 per minute

# Never let a man's mind wander, it's too little to be out on it's own

# Son asks diff btw Confidence and Confidential
Dad says, u are my son, I am Confident.
Ur friend is also my son, thats Confidential

# I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

# I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

# What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A b*tch who knows everything.

# The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

# The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.


I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
# Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will whiz on your computer.


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