Funny text messages -- free funny text message -- funny joke -- funny text messaging jokes
* Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
* The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
* Don't take life too seriously; no-one gets out alive.
* It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
* The longest sentence known to man: "I do."
# A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
# I had amnesia once - maybe twice.
#
All I ask is a chance to prove money can't make me happy.
# The universe is a figment of its own imagination.
#
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
#
Is there another word for synonym?
# Why don't men often show their true feelings?
- Because they don't have any.
# Q: What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A: About 45 pounds!!
# Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?
A: We don't know. Never happens.
# Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffering
# ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.
# Q: Why do mountain climbers rope themselves together?
A: To prevent the sensible ones from going home.
# Q: What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
A: Outlaws are wanted.
#
Q: What do you get when you put three ducks in a box?
A: A box of quackers.
#
Time is a marvellous healer but is a complete failure as a beautician.
# When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's £1.50 per minute
# Never let a man's mind wander, it's too little to be out on it's own
# Son asks diff btw Confidence and Confidential
Dad says, u are my son, I am Confident.
Ur friend is also my son, thats Confidential
# I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
# I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
# What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A b*tch who knows everything.
# The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
# The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
#
I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
#
I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
#
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
# Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will whiz on your computer.
