Funny text messages

Funny text messages -- free funny text message -- funny joke -- funny text messaging jokes

* Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

* The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

* Don't take life too seriously; no-one gets out alive.

* It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.

* The longest sentence known to man: "I do."
# A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

# I had amnesia once - maybe twice.


All I ask is a chance to prove money can't make me happy.
# The universe is a figment of its own imagination.


I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

Is there another word for synonym?
# Why don't men often show their true feelings?
- Because they don't have any.

# Q: What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A: About 45 pounds!!

# Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?
A: We don't know. Never happens.

# Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffering

# ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.

# Q: Why do mountain climbers rope themselves together?
A: To prevent the sensible ones from going home.

# Q: What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
A: Outlaws are wanted.


Q: What do you get when you put three ducks in a box?
A: A box of quackers.

Time is a marvellous healer but is a complete failure as a beautician.
# When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's £1.50 per minute

# Never let a man's mind wander, it's too little to be out on it's own

# Son asks diff btw Confidence and Confidential
Dad says, u are my son, I am Confident.
Ur friend is also my son, thats Confidential

# I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

# I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

# What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A b*tch who knows everything.

# The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

# The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.


I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
# Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will whiz on your computer.

Funny Sms Jokes

Funny Sms Jokes

I know why I am single, my parents-in-law were not able to have kids...

I am not your type ... I am not inflatable.

I like to compare you with a nice cold glass of beer, beautiful colour, perfect taste, really perfect and when the glass is empty i just take the next one!

I once sniffed Coke, but the icecubes blocked my nostrils...

Jesus says to John come forth ill give you eternal life. John came fifth he won a toaster

A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home

At dis moment in time 10 million people r having sex.5 million people r drinking coffee.100 million people r sleeping & 1 stupid fool is reading my text!pass on

The rain makes all things beautiful.The grass & flowers 2. If rain makes all things beautiful why doesn’t it rain on you?

i want u 2 know dat our friendship means alot 2 me.U cry i cry.U lauf i lauf.U jump out of da window... I look down & den... i lauf again

20% of the population is now drinking coffee, 60% is having sex, 19% is watching television and one yokel is now holding his mobile in his hand

A woman likes to have four animals in the house: a jaguar in front of the doorway, a fox in the closet, a bull in bed, and a numbskulll to pay for this all.

Are these your eyes, I found them between my brests!

Be friendly with your kids, they choose your home when you are old!

Be nice to the ones who smoke.. every cigarette migh be their last.

BEEB! Send this message to 5 of your friends and you will have unbelievable sex tonight! If you break this chain, you'll never have multiple orgasms again!

Sms Funny

This is the telephone terrorist team. While receiving this message a virus will be activated. This virus should have infected your mobile by now. Your mobile will be disabled, unless you are ugly.

We will now upgrade your brain.......Please wait........Searching.......Searching.......Still searching........Sorry, no brain found !!!

Your future depends on your dreams - So go to sleep!

HALLO, this is your mobile. There is no particular problem. I just wanted to leave your pocket,the smell is unbearable!!!

20% of the population is now drinking coffee, 60% is having sex, 19% is watching television and one idiot is now holding his mobile in his hand

No one has ever complained of a parachute not opening.

God created the earth, God created the woods, God created you too, but yes, even God makes mistakes!

Love is photogenic; it needs darkness to develop

If being ugly would hurt, you would be in pain all day long.
Love me or leave me. Hey,where is everybody going ???

Scientists in the US proved that people who do not perform well in bed and who have difficulties to come hold their mobile in their right hand ..................]

Hey can u do me a favour, take a pic of urself n send me it, i'm playin cards n i'm missin the joker!!

A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home

Always remember you're unique - just like everyone else.